Opening (aka trying to send Kupah Troopa home)
Kupah when Kaitlyn’s not in the room: “She’s not even pretty, she probably has gonorrhea of the throat. Producers, please don’t send me home without a cocktail.”
Kupah when Kaitlyn is in the room: “Can we just forget what happened? Who needs to use the past tense? You’re hot.”
Kaitlyn: “I’m so nervous about how this is coming across. Now I have to keep the other black guys for at least two weeks.”
Rose Ceremony (aka what should happen at the end of the episode)
First do you even go here of the season: “Ryan”
Tony the Healer: “I left my dog and trees for this. If I don’t get a rose, I’m going to unleash gyspy curses on Kaitlyn.”
#RealTalk She gave him the rose because ABC paid her.
Daniel and Cory, who maybe said 10 words (put together) the entire season, were sent home. Deuces randos!
First Group Date: Sumo Wrestling
Chris Harrison: “Since we made you fight each other last week, we’re going to make you fight a 4000 pound Japanese man this week.”
JJ: “I like sushi, so I’m going to be really good at this.” … Same, I guess?
Joe is like the guy Phoebe dated in Friends that didn’t know how to close his legs.
Tony the Healer: “I see life in the eyes of a child. I don’t believe in fighting. Especially when I lose.” (Sidenote that was more of a slap fight than wrestling).
Kaitlyn: “I think it’s pretty obvious I’m on this show to publicly humiliate as many guys as possible and just have fun.”
Tony the Healer: “I want to stay and give you this flowerweed, but I was a criminal in the past and I don’t want to kill one of these guys in sumo wrestling.”
Clint: “I’d rather hang with JJ than Kaitlyn on his date, so I’m going to act like I don’t care about her. I better get a rose so my bromance can continue doe.”
Chris Harrison to producers: “Please let me pretend to be Jeff Probst and give me more to say than ‘This is the final rose.’”
Kaitlyn: “I know I have birds tattooed on me, but I’m scared of them and wish ABC picked any other movie for me to pretend to want to see.”
#RealTalk Ashley S or Kelsey are def hiding in this creepy room.
Ben Z: “If I don’t get the rose after Kaitlyn screaming made me deaf, I’m going to be so pissed.”
Group Date 2: Teaching Sex- Ed
Joshua: “I learned everything sexual as a kid by watching our cows.” – I DIDN’T EVEN MAKE THAT ONE UP.
#RealTalk Who’s kids are these and why did their parents sign off on this?! (I stand by this comment even after finding out they’re child actors. LOL though).
The Bens should get their own spinoff show because they’re hot and seem fairly normal (that’s how it works in this franchise, right?)
Jared: “I love working with kids. There’s nothing better than teaching them about periods and sex too.”
Kaitlyn: “I haven’t said ‘for the right reasons’ enough in this episode, so I’m going to do that now.”
Clint: “I’m going to make-out with Kaitlyn for 5 minutes and then spend a lifetime with JJ.”
JJ: “I’m low-key crazy but Kaitlyn is GOING TO BE MY WIFE AND CLINT IS GOING TO BE MY BEST MAN.”
#RealTalk Kaitlyn’s jumbo class of wine is OP.
#RealTalk x2 I’m SO over this “to be continued” at the end of episodes.