I watched the season 5 finale of Game of Thrones last night because FOMO. Between Twitter, my brothers, my mom and even my cat, I felt like I needed to participate. Here’s what happened in my own words:
1. This theme song is too long.
2. These people talk funny.
3. I assume the chick who set her kid on fire is the one who hung herself. Can’t say I enjoyed that, can’t say I feel too bad for her. #IsThatWrong?
4. This dude in the armor and cape seems like Dan Scott.
5. *Takes Snapchat, phone makes picture sound, Brother #1 glares at me* I feel like he’s going to turn into one of these characters and rip my head off.
6. The hot dude should clean his face off.
7. “I’m glad the end of the world is working out for somebody.” I’m digging this #Bromance.
8. Was Arendelle inspired by this movie? #Frozen #IsThereASnowQueen?
9. The Ellen-lookalike missing little red riding hood light a candle seems to be a big deal.
10. This does not seem like a fair fight. #NoneForYouGlenCoco
11. I wish the King(?) started singing Roar by KP after that grr.
12. My mom pointed out these peeps should have just pretended to be dead. #MomsAreAlwaysRight
13. Everyone on this show needs to CHILL OUT. How about we try to be a little more Karen Smith and a little less Gretchen Weiners and stop stabbing Caesar (and everyone else).
14. If GOT had suggested hashtags, #DeucesKatnissWannabe would have totally trended.
18. A lesbian that puts poison on her lipstick would be a great Showtime movie or spinoff to Orange is the New Black.
19. Do they put the dwarf on steps in every scene to make him feel better?
20. Lord Disick should be on this show.
21. These dragons seem out of place. Is this chick that looks like Elsa imagining them? Does he have split personality disorder or just a dragon fetish?
22. I don’t know what this chick did but her new haircut makes her look like Angelina Jolie and I don’t hate it.
23. Is this walk supposed to be funny or serious? Also, Shame: The Remix would be a big hit on iTunes.
24. Killing the hot dude does not seem like a good call. Also what is this child’s damage?
Final Thought: This show is kind of like Gilmore Girls. They set up a lot of things to happen… but they don’t really happen. The main difference is the worst thing that could happen to Lorelai or Rory is not getting coffee and GOT characters die like the vampire extras on Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Speaking of, Buffy would KILL it on this show.
PS: Jake from Scandal watches both GOT and the Bachelorette, and I just want everyone to know that.