#TheBachelorette Week 5: The Guys Read Tabloids, Ian is Crazy and Nick is a Frontrunner

This might be the most dramatic season of The Bachelorette yet, and I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing, or a terrible thing. Here’s what went down:

Nick Enters The House
“It’s a pretty amazing feeling knowing that I can sleep with another Bachelorette and shame her for it on TV. I can’t wait.” -Nick
“We’ve all read the tabloids and know that you were hanging out with Andi.” All of the other guys should stop yelling at Nick and start denying reading US Weekly like Tanner.
“Tell me the difference between a cool chick and a wonderful women.” – Hillbilly Joe knows more words than I thought he did.

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Can anyone on this show really question someone’s intentions? You’re on the Bachelorette…
“Please don’t beat me up.” -Nick trying (and failing) not to stutter

Rose Ceremony (I’m still pissed these are at the beginning)
How funny would it be if Kaitlyn didn’t give Nick a rose?
“I’m going to bribe the guys that are mad at me with baseball.” -Kaitlyn
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“Nick showing up means there is one less spot and that means I have to think about my relationships. And get rid of the two black guys ASAP.” -Kaitlyn
“Don’t you trust me.” -Kaitlyn “No moron, I don’t trust you. I met you 10 seconds ago.” – Shawn B
I thought having a rose ceremony on the pitcher’s mound was kind of disrespectful, but then I remembered they’re on the Mets field and I didn’t care.

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Ryan didn’t get a rose because that is the fuglist scarf I’ve ever seen.
“Since I added an extra person production has to pay for, we have to go to Texas instead of Cabo.” -Kaitlyn

One-On-One Date With Ben H
Is this date making fun of Chris Soules on DWTS? And why isn’t this old women the Bachelorette instead of Kaitlyn?

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“We didn’t get eliminated, so there’s another song to dance to. Someone please shoot me ASAP.” -Ben H
Nick, acting like a Bachelor expert when every date card arrives is not going to help you make friends.
Ben H talking about his feelings is hot. Even though I don’t think this story is real. #SorryNotSorry

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Group Date
Kaitlyn should give the rose to his child the rose instead of Nick.
The only good thing about Justin’s performance is his hat hid his hideous hair.
Ian, I don’t know who told you you could sing, but you should probably go shave their back now.
“For your heart, I’m willing to brawl.” Little does Nick know that this is the first date that didn’t involve fighting.
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Josh is digging a hole trying to explain to Kaitlyn that all of the guys hate Nick? Now he’s stuck with a bad haircut (which was amazing btw, but she should have cut Justin’s hair) and no friends or girl. (Sidenote the fact that this is going down in a church is almost as sacrilegious as the rose ceremony on the baseball field).
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Giving Nick the group date rose was a #BURN. Kaitlyn’s a totally Regina in Cady’s body.

One-On-One Date With Shawn B
“We’re doing something that no one else gets to do.” -Kaitlyn. Kayaking is pretty special. I think I did it for the first time when I was 5.
How we know Shawn will make the final 3:
Successfully tells traumatic story: Check
Near Death Experience: Check
Wears a seat-belt now: Check

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Cocktail Party
Ian… Why are you on The Bachelorette if women “like you”? Oh, that’s right, to be the next Bachelor!
“I’m a Princeton grad, so my story is AMAZING.” Just go on BIP and meet Kelsey already.

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Producers: “Nick, go talk to Ian to help make yourself seem less crazy.”
“She’s not half as hot as my ex-girlfriend.” Ian that is totes what to say when you want a rose. Also, can someone find a pic of this chick?
Jared saying he loves Kaitlyn was so rando and I can’t wait to see him cry in the limo in 2-3 weeks.
“There’s my girl. Or our girl I guess.” SMOOTH CHRIS CUPCAKE, #Smooth.
“I don’t like people who make jokes.” -Ian sealing his fate with Kaitlyn like Kupah and Clint did before him.

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Bachelor in Paradise Update: There will inevitably be a few men from Kaitlyn’s season on BIP, and Jonathan Holloway is the first one to head to the beach.

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