House of Cards: A Netflix Binge

The guy who makes Frank his lunch/ribs is my favorite House of Cards character

— Sarah Hearon (@sarahhearon) March 29, 2014

Life as a TV addict can be difficult. Friends, family and sometimes strangers (usually on twitter) are always trying to tell us what to watch and why we should watch it. Don’t they know we’re beyond capable up picking our own shows? However, whenever someone gives me a suggestion, I make a mental note to look into it. 9 times out of 10 I already know about the show, but I usually add it to the list anyway. House of Cards has been in the TV news since it launched on Netflix last year. The show’s popularity picked up during awards season, and when the second season was added to Netflix, the world went White House (for anyone who doesn’t know, HoC follows Frank Underwood and his quest to take over the White House) crazy. I decided to finally check out all of the hype, and as a result, the last 5 and 1/2 days has been House of Cards nonstop. It’s consumed my life for the last 132 hours, and below is a list of thoughts I had during my Netflix binge. Spoiler alert, obviously.

The first time Frank broke the fourth wall and started talking to the audience, the Saved by the Bell theme song started playing in my head. It turns out Frank Underwood and Zack Morris have more than just talking to their audience in common, because they’re both master manipulators. Zack tricks his friends and kids at school to get what he wants and Frank, well… more on that later.

Claire and Frank have a sick and twisted relationship. I don’t think they’ll be making my list of “favorite TV couples” anytime soon. They would, however, make a great duo for a cigarette ad.

I’m 99% sure Frank only eats ribs, and only eats ribs made by Freddy in his one-table-restaurant. This reminded me of Luke/Luke’s Diner from Gilmore Girls, and how much I love it when TV characters have their own go-to spot. I mean what would Beverly Hills 90210 be without the Peach Pit? And How I Met Your Mother without MacLaren’s? It’s all about the little things, people.

Where has Kate Mara been hiding all of this time? She’s 10x better at acting than sister Rooney Girl-with-the-Dragon-Tattoo Mara.

I wonder how many murders TV characters have gotten away with without even having to worry about. At least Landry and Tyra from Friday Night Lights felt a little bad about killing that guy in season 2. Frank doesn’t even flinch.

Nate’s mom! The teacher Serena slept with! House of Cards has two Gossip Girl alums and anyone who knows me knows that’s as good as it gets.

HOLY SEASON TWO PREMIERE! It’s time to text every single person I know who told me to watch this show and admit they had a point. #TrainTracks

Claire Underwood reminds me so much of Mellie Grant from Scandal. The two don’t even flinch when they lie about pregnancies, rapes and watch (and sometimes encourage) their to husbands cheat on them. In other words, Wives of Political Figures should be a reality show on Bravo ASAP.

I’m a little confused about what’s going on with this Chinese guy and the need for this bridge, but what I do know is the VP and the Prez are NOT on the same page. #TeamFrank #TheyAlwaysMakeThePresidentDumbOnTV

Add Claire to the list of people I’d like to share a bottle with.

Raymond Tusk is totally the Regina George of Washington.

IS A FROM PRETTY LITTLE LIARS PLANTING A BOMB IN THAT DUFFLE BAG? I smell a black hoodie crossover event!!!

Kim Kardashian reference— I didn’t know Frank had time to watch reality TV?

Remy’s mustache looks like it was drawn on with eyeliner. I also cringe every time that Congresswoman talks. They should break up. (It didn’t take long for that work out in my favor).

That threesome made me even more uncomfortable than Gossip Girl’s threesome, and since GG’s included my childhood idol Lizzie McGuire I didn’t think it could get worse.