Picture this: You haven’t seen or talked to your family in over a month. You’re currently dating someone with four girlfriends. You come home and tell everyone you want to marry this man. No, this is not True Life: I Commit Too Quickly or a Sister Wives: The Gameshow. This is The Bachelor: Hometowns.
“This has been such an amazing journey. We’ve been to places that don’t compare to seasons in the past like Las Vegas and Indiana, and I’ve bought my first pair of capris. Now it’s time to upset some families.” – Ben
Laguna Beach: Amanda
Amanda’s outfit screams “I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”
Do you think KCav or LC is going to show up?
Ben just signed a deal with Nair. #TheLessYouWearTheMoreYouNeedNair
“Hopefully my kids will get a modeling deal or commercial after this episode airs.” – Amanda
“We will work on that.” – Ben trying to bond with Amanda’s daughter is what I imagine a dad trying to run a Girl Scout troop would be like.
“I want to be with someone who loves and my kids.” – WHAT? Amanda expects her future husband to not only love her but also HER KIDS? High expectations.
“How was the beach?” – Amanda’s dad “Well, TBH, I’m sups tired and did not have enough time to talk about how unlovable and sincere I am. Not sure this dad life is for me.
*Reads bedtime story about himself* Didn’t anyone tell Ben being a parent was about the kids?
“I would be crushed if Ben dumped me. And put my kids in timeout until I became the Bachelorette so they didn’t cry when I brought the men home.” – Amanda
Portland: Lauren B
Did anyone else think of Farmer Chris and Whitney’s wall mural in Iowa when they saw the “Keep Portland Weird” wall? #NeverForget
Lauren B likes to sit around and eat sticks of butter from different lands.
“Lets go to a whiskey library so I can get you drunk before you meet my family.” – Lauren
Ben and Lauren can live happily ever after mispronouncing words. #Seagull #Library
“So, do you think I would be a good Bachelorette?” – Lauren’s sister
I hope Lauren and Ben end up together and her family plays the clip of him crying every Christmas.
“If I go home because my dad talked me out of confessing my love, I’ll kill him.” – Lauren
Hudson, Ohio: Caila
Well, it looks like ABC only packed Ben one fugly blazer.
“This is my high school. I know you’re into that.” – Caila showing Ben around town
Is Caila trying to compete with Amanda’s kids with coloring and playhouses?
The real question is why is everyone’s dad so short?
“Your fame is like a microwave. When it runs out, you can help me make microwaves for my toy company.”
“I’m totally cool with your daughter being Filipino. She’s a sex panther.” – Ben
The world validation. Drink.
“Caila’s def going to get dumped.” – Her dad
JoJo’s ex-boyfriend Chad is def going to be the new Bachelor. “Savage Chad” can be the new “Perfect Ben.”
“JoJo, will you accept a dozen roses?” – Chad “No, but can you fix Ben’s hair.” – JoJo
“Uh oh. Somethings up!” – Ben after he sees a crying JoJo. #GoodWorkNancyDrew
This is an official petition for a Bachelor mom spinoff starring Caila’s mom’s braces and JoJo’s mom’s botox.
“We know how hot our sister is, so we’re protective of her.” – JoJo’s brother
There’s a zero percent chance JoJo’s mom has never seen an episode of The Bachelor. And a thirty percent chance she does not even know where she is.
“We know ABC is writing lines for you. I was on a reality dating show once.” – JoJo’s brother.
“Crap. Uhhhh. Maybe if I do my best Farmer Chris and forget how to speak I can get out of this.” – Ben
I low key think JoJo’s mom wants to run away with Ben.
“Shit.” All of the girls when they see JoJo
Lauren is dressed like Sandy because her family told her Ben needs to shape up after he starting crying on their couch.
Do you think Amanda is more upset that her kids met Ben or that she had to work at McDonald’s?
Lauren’s younger brother is going to marry Nick Viall’s little sister. #CalledIt