It wouldn’t be right to start this recap without saying a prayer for Jared because Ashley I is going to kill him in his sleep if he doesn’t date her soon. (Didn’t watch Janner’s wedding? You don’t even go here).
Now, week 7 of The Bachelor usually brings us to Italy, Ireland, Mexico or… Indiana. Ben brought his girlfriends to his middle-of-nowhere hometown and somehow it made them love him more? This show is so twisted. Let’s get to it!
*No wifi sign at dinner, panic attack ensues.*
Why do people live in places like this? This is why they can’t have nice things.
“I’m so proud of you, son. Being in love with 10 women is wonderful.” – Ben’s parents
Caila just tried to jump on Ben’s boat. This is not a sex joke.
“Warsaw is amazing! I’ve never seen anything like it.” – Twin who is from Las Vegas that genuinely thinks this town is cool.
“This is the first time I’ve seen Ben ask someone out. Now I can’t live in the fantasy world where he was only dating me this whole time.” – JoJo
One-On-One: Lauren B’s after school program
“You were QB? Damn, I’m more into Tim Riggins than Matt Saracen.” – Lauren B
“This is where I played football, this is where I had my first kiss and this is when you realized I peaked in high school.” – Ben
Is Ben reenacting his first kiss with Lauren supposed to be cute?
“I’m taking you to see this youth group because I need to know if Leah was right about you.” – Ben
Ben and Lauren B match… they are going to be a great soccer parents.
“IDK who these guys are, but SPORTS!” – Lauren
“I’ll pay you $20 if you cry and let Ben comfort you.” – Bachelor producers
“That is such a relief. Take that, suckers!” – JoJo when she gets her date card
“I trust you.” – Ben
“I’ll trust you too when you dump my sister wives.” – Lauren
The girl that meets the friends is the frontrunner. Lauren B, change your twitter handle to @LaurenHiggins ASAP (unless kindergarten teacher Lauren H stole it already).
One-On-One: JoJo’s baseball game
“Lauren is taking the lead. I need to open up and possibly cry so I win.” – JoJo
“I pray I hit this ball because I need a rose.” – JoJo
“It’s awesome to date this many women and play baseball. Childhood dreams do come true.” – Ben
“I’ve been on this show before, let me lead this conversation about how all of you are feeling.” – Becca
“I want to make sure JoJo feels comfortable with me because she could have a hot sister.” – Ben
Pro Tip: Ben, my Bachelor, stop trying to make every girl feel confident in your relationship because you only get to pick ONE.
Drink every time Becca says validation.
Three-On-One: Becca, Caila and Amanda sit on hay and do nothing
Becca and Amanda should tip over Caila and Ben’s boat.
Do you think Becca is having PTSD in this barn? #FarmerChris
“I’m totally down to take your kids on hay rides.” – Ben to Amanda
“Even though I don’t cry, I like you so much. Show me something.” – Becca “I just can’t even.” – Ben
“I picture myself as moss.” Can we hook up Caila with Tony the Healer from last season?
Group date rose: Amanda
Oh Becca, there’s nothing to cry about. THEY’RE AT MCDONALD’S.
“Hi Ben and Amanda! You have to order Egg McMuffins to promote on all day breakfast!” – McDonalds employee #NotMadTho
The entire town of Warsaw showed up for this carnival.
“I don’t want to spend time with other people’s kids, wtf.” – Amanda
Ben screaming on carnival rides is a deal-breaker.
One-On-One: Emily meets the parents
“I’m sooo happy.” – Emily “Shit.” – Ben
“Talking to people is really hard for me.” – Emily #K
“Tell me about yourself.” – Ben’s mom “I know, um, I, like, what is like the question?” – Emily
“I love watching movies, but I hate vegetables.” – Emily is like the seven-year-old girl you’re babysitting who won’t stop talking
Ben def took the twin to meet his parents so he had an excuse to dump her.
“We went to McDonalds.” – Amanda “LOL.” – Lauren B
“Where are we going? You’re not taking me home, right” – Emily “Little do you know” – Ben
“Is she sad? She better be sad!” – Becca and the girls spying
Are all of the girls crying because this is going to be them next week or because they thought Emily would be easy to beat?
“Can you see your wife in this group?” Chris Harrison always asking the tough, original questions
“Why did you do that?” – Becca “The producers make you do this thing called a rose ceremony.” – Ben
Becca, this isn’t a blindside. You’re going to offend Carly from Bachelor in Paradise.