The Only Oscar (Afterparty) Recap You Need

Due to the fact the Oscars could be summed up in five words (Mad Mex, Racism, Leonardo Dicaprio), I decided to tackle the award show afterparties. All of the winners, nominees and anyone else who happens to be in Hollywood, mingled, danced and snapped selfies with each other, and I brainstormed their conversations. (Basically they drank awesome shooters, listened to awesome music and then sat around and soaked up each other’s awesomeness)…

Jessica Biel, Amy Adams and Demi Lovato:


“I’m so drunk!” – Jessica

“Take your shoes off so Jess doesn’t look like the only one who is wasted.” – Amy

“Please hurry up and take this picture!” – Demi

Adam Shulman, Anne Hathaway Eddie and Hannah Redmayne:


“Babe, am I pulling off this fake smile? I don’t even believe this chick is pregnant.” – Anne

“Yes! And you look beautiful!” – Adam

“Lol.” – Hannah

“Are you going to name your baby Princess of Genova?” – Eddie

Chris Rock, French Montana, Diddy, Tobey MaGuire:


“French, you were not invited here. Who let you in?” – Chris

“Buy my tequila, y’all.” – Diddy

“Skhgishkgs.” – French

“I feel so cool right now. Did you guys like Spiderman?” – Tobey

Kate Upton, Elizabeth Banks, Maria Sharapova:


“Can I take a selfie with your boobs?” – Elizabeth

“No.” – Kate

“Where am I?” – Maria

Willa Holland, Chace Crawford, Kelly Rutherford, Jessica Szohr:


“I thought you were going to tell her fans wouldn’t want her in the picture.” – Willa

“I’m Nate. I don’t know how to do anything but smile.” – Chace

“Xoxo!” – Kelly

“Do you guys think Vanessa would be invited to the Gossip Girl reboot?!” – Jessica

Kate Bosworth and Naomi Watts:


“Do you really think I have a chance to win an Oscar someday?!” – Kate

“Uhhh, yes honey. Or just make Blue Crush 2.” – Naomi

Taylor Kinney, Lady GaGa and Caitlyn Jenner:


“Make sure this is a good picture. I want to break the internet more than Kim.” – Caitlyn

Jennifer Garner and Serena Williams:


“Everyone keeps asking me about my ex-husband. How do you feel about leaving and binge watching Vanderpump Rules?” – Jen

“Ummm sorry girl, but I don’t get out much.” – Serena

Blake Shelton, Gwen Stefani, Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama:


“Does he know he’s wearing jeans?” – Wilmer

“IDK. But I want to get on The Voice.” – Demi

“Did you forget the change of clothes I laid out for you?” – Gwen

“Free booze! I love the Oscars!” – Blake

And most importantly, Leo and his Oscar:


“Can you believe I had two of these before you had one?” – Ben Affleck

“Even you can’t ruin tonight for me.” – Leo


“My mom thinks she is going to get to hold my statue for longer than 5 seconds. Lol.” -Leo


“Will you marry me, Oscar?” – Leo

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