The Only Emmy Recap You Need To Read

The VMAs are on tonight and Emmys are on tomorrow so no one talk to me for 48 hours #watch #fangirl #blog #repeat

— Sarah Hearon (@sarahhearon) August 24, 2014

I hope you have recovered from all things VMAs, because it’s time to switch from music videos to television. Get ready to discuss all things TV, fashion and celebrity.

1. Lets start with the red carpet highlights. Hayden Panettiere accidentally let it slip that she is having a baby girl! I hope her daughter isn’t anything like Juliette Barnes and can dance better than Hayden did in Bring It On.

2. E’s Mani Cam proved to be not totally unnecessary for the first time after Heidi Klum twerked into it.

3. “My life is mostly me trying to keep my dog from eating my snacks.” Lena Dunham just confirmed she is her Girls’ character Hannah. And that she always has food on her mind (is it just me or does that dress look like a cupcake?).

4. “He’s too hot. Too tall. Too handsome. Too sexy.” Sofia Vergara talking about why she didn’t bring new BF Joe Manganiello to the Emmys and proving that hot people have problems too.

5. “The bags are smaller again. I can close my coat.” A non-pregnant Kerry Washington is going to bring Scandal back to its A game.

6. Janis. Effing. Ian. I bet the plastics would accept her now.

7. “What’s HBO?” My roommate (hi Karen!) asks a question that everyone at CBS, FOX, NBC and ABC wishes other people asked.

8. Who wore(d) better?

9. Amy Poehler’s Beyoncé would make Beyoncé proud. #BowDownToMrsGeorge

10. Brooke Davis spotted on a Woman Crush Wednesday commercial. Sophia Bush, Mariska Hargitay and Debra Messing make me want to drop this whole writing thing and be a cop.

11. Introducing Zooey Deschanel and Allison Williams with the line “From New Girl where a girl has bangs, and Girls where girls bang” is the most accurate statement ever.

12. Parenthood final season promo.. *tears begin to fall.*

13. I was playing Kim Kardashian: Hollywood when Jimmy Kimmel said, “There’s one common truth that binds us all together. None of us will ever make as much money as Kim Kardashian did for her iPhone game.” #NoShame #ALister

14. Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston for Choice TV Liplock at the next Teen Choice Awards.

15. Sookie St. James forever! #HappyEmmysDontToeMe

16. I’m only surprised Jon Hamm doesn’t have an Emmy because you’d think Don Draper would have figured out who to sleep with to get one.

17. That awkward moment when Julia Roberts doesn’t win the Emmy even though they showed a random clip of her performance right before they did the award.

18. Still laughing at this moment.

19. Addison alert! “Addison Montgomery, he met her in the summery…”

20. Matthew McConaughey’s tan is very LC in Laguna Beach season one.

21. Andy Samberg, I’ll sing The Brady Bunch theme song with you anytime.

22. Weird Al’s TV theme songs were hilarious. “A beautiful woman with an ugly cry” for Homeland and “Quiver, quiver” for Scandal (and Olivia Pope’s lip) should be used ASAP.

23. TIM RIGGINS! I know The Normal Heart is a deep movie and I should be listening to the acceptance speech but it’s Tim. Freaking. Riggins (with his long hair again!).

24. Ricky Gervais referring to Matt LeBlanc as Joey from Friends warms my heart. So does this.

25. Gwen Stefani mispronounced Stephen Colbert ‘s name and should make it up to him by putting his last name in a song like Hollaback girl. C-o-l-b-e-r-t is the new b-a-n-a-n-a-s.