1. Are the producers seriously sending them to New Mexico? ABC is a cheap date this season.
2. Did the producers buy Carly this New Mexico-esque/ tribal sweater?
3. Is this “love guru” Ashley S in disguise?
4. Is this breathing exercise supposed to be like a combination of a birthing class and a porno?
5. Do Kelsey and Ashley I even try to hide their annoyed faces when they aren’t picked for the one-on-one dates?
6. Who is this mysterious man that Carly dated who refused to touch her? Is he watching? Do they think about the fact that the people they talk about are going to find out?
7. Did Megan forget she was going to be on TV or is she just that stupid? (No, New Mexico is not out of the country, it is a not where you go for a beach resort and there is not going to be dead bodies in the river you’re white water rafting in).
8. Does Jade really have this condition or does she have the “I want the Bachelor to rub my feet condition?”
9. How was Jordan even sober enough to drive to Colorado?
10. Did Ashley I leave her pants with her sanity?
11. Why doesn’t Britt shower and why does she sleep with all of her makeup on? And more importantly, is this something we should all start doing so we can look like her?
12. “My story is amazing! I LOVE my story!” Did Kelsey hear what she just said? I don’t think she understands how what she said just sounded. Or did she?
13. Am I the only one who just googled Sanderson Poe?
14. “Oh look he’s here!” Did the contestants not think Chris was coming to the cocktail party? Have any of these chicks ever even watched The Bachelor?
15. Is Mackenzie mentally sane? Is she really jealous that Ashley I is a virgin and Kelsey has a dead husband? Should I be surprised? She did name her son Kale.
16. Are we supposed to believe this panic attack is real and not some desperate attempt to get a rose? #PityRose
Bonus: Is it as obvious to everyone else that Whitney is the frontrunner in this thing?
Don’t ever change, Bachelor, please don’t ever change.