Golden Globes 2016: The Red Carpet, Awards and Afterparties

Happy Award Season! The Golden Globes are like the first round of the playoffs (and include the wildcard teams AKA the TV stars), and last night they created fashion moments, hilarious gifs and totally forgettable acceptance speeches. Let’s get to it…

Red Carpet

First things first, Giuliana Rancic is a cool mom.

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And also looked better than new E! host Maria Menounos (in my totally unbiased opinion… I mean that braid is so wannabe LC during season 3 of The Hills).

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Amy Schumer danced like a white suburban mom at a bar mitzvah and talked about her vagina itching. #ShesJustBeingAmy

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Taraji P Henson worked the red carpet like she was just discovered by one of those “modeling agencies” at the mall.

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Katy Perry channeled her inner Snooki and wore a BumpIt… Do you think she’s drawing inspiration from Jersey Shore reruns for her new album?

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Eddie Redmayne started the party early and looked like a white girl who just finished a juice cleanse.

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Jennifer Lawrence fangirled over Matt Damon (who is aging v well) and once again proved that stars are #justlikeus.

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Jenna Dewan Tatum looked gorgeous and walked the carpet with someone who is definitely not her super hot husband Channing Tatum because he would never ruin his hair like that.

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It was awkward when Jamie Lee Curtis rocked gray hair better and looked hotter than her daughter.
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JLo did the impossible and made looking like a mustard bottle hot.

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Jennifer Lawrence, Brie Larson, Gina Rodriguez, Kate Hudson and Kate Winslet were my best dressed.

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Show time

Host Ricky Gervais came out swinging with jokes about Caitlyn Jenner, women in Hollywood and Roman Polanski, and he did it all with a beer in his hand. My personal favorite was his dig at Ben Affleck because Matt Damon had a priceless reaction.

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Jonah Hill showed up as the bear from The Revenant and put the plastic baby in American Snipper to shame.

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Kate finally made room for Leo on that piece of ice and the pair both took home Globes in their categories. #Swoon

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Taraji channeled her inner Cookie when she passed out cookies and sassed out NBC for trying to make her wrap up.

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Cate Blanchett looked like me on Christmas when I opened a gift I didn’t like but tried to pretend I did.

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And Denzel looked bored AF.

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Mozart in the Jungle won best TV comedy, and I’m sure Mozart was v proud.

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Jamie Alexander forgot half of her dress and could not believe the words in front of her… so she was basically a drunk college girl texting her ex-boyfriend on your average Saturday night out.

The world realized it was coming to an end when Spy was nominated for multiple Golden Globes.

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Eva Longoria and America Ferrera were badass and funny when they pointed out how NBC (and unfortunately many other people and media outlets) confused Latina actresses.

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JLaw and AShu made it clear that they would be wonderful hosts for 2017. (Sidenote: I love Amy, but I cannot not acknowledge the fact that a movie Lebron James and John Cena were in was nominated for a serious award).

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Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt switched facial hair and the world is better for it.

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Lady Gaga looked beautiful, but Leo was still scared of her. He probably saw her V Magazine cover.

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Denzel’s wife was the real MVP.

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Tobey Maguire showed up and I (along with the rest of the world, I assume) prayed for a Spiderman/ Mary Jane reunion.

Every time a Six Chick wins a Golden Globe, an angel gets its wings. (Also shoutout to Ashley Benson for supporting her fellow Jenna Rink hater).

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It’s been so long since Leo won an award that he forgot that the music means you are supposed to stop talking.

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Afterparty

Zendaya was all of us.

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Bridget and Uncle CJ had an 8 Simple Rules reunion.

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Kourtney Kardashian and JLo compared notes on what it was like to date younger men. (Casper Smart enjoyed the convo and asked Kourt to double date with the Biebs).

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Orlando Bloom clearly has a thing for BumpIts and flirted with KP.

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Mellie and President Fitz worked the cameras at the HBO Party and hopefully landed a Scandal spinoff.

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Ian Somerhalder, who is known for being charitable, helped out Malin Akerman because he understands that food is always the answer.

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Time to buy more champagne and pregame until the SAGs. Right, JLaw?

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