Recaps, Gifs and Everything You Need To Know: July 27th to August 3rd

I just spend the last week working at Sister Pats Kids Camp, and while I love the campers and the break from reality (more on that later), I missed TV (and all things pop culture). I’m quickly catching up on everything I missed, and feel the need to share my thoughts on another crazy week of reality TV, Kardashians and more (oh my!).

First things first, The Bachelorette finale gave us one of the best “After The Final Rose” specials ever. After our girl Andi picked I-have-the-best-smile-in-the-world-and-I’m-not-afraid-to-use-it Josh, she left I’ve-been-in-love-with-you-since-day-1-and-America-thinks-I’m-creepy Nick in tears. And after multiple failed attempts to talk to Andi after she dumped him (all conveniently captured by ABC and definitely not staged), Nick got his chance to speak to his ex-girlfriend (who was dating one or 25 other people during their entire relationship). He spend about 15 minutes rambling and making no sense, until he blurted out “If you weren’t in love with me, Why did you make love to me?”… !!!!!!!!!!!!!

On other reality TV classics, Zach on Big Brother has lost his mind and confirmed my suspicions that he’s Zack Morris by getting involved in everyone’s business and causing unnecessary trouble. And while the term “fruit loop dingus” will go down in BB history, Amber just went down and was evicted (a CBS spin-off or storyline on their new show Stalker where Caleb continues to win her over should be announced soon). On Teen Mom 2, Leah gave Jenelle a run for her money as the most disastrous cast member when she starting taking anxiety medicine that made her mumble, practically fall asleep at work and talk to her daughter’s doctor about “too much dye in the head.” The scene was hard to watch, and if that’s not enough, it looks like issues with her husband Jeremy are going to be the star of the next episode. Leah and Jenelle should start a play group, or I don’t know relationship/drug rehab.

I haven’t watched the newest Pretty Little Liars yet, but I’m in no rush because I’m 99% sure nothing happened (besides another character becoming a lesbian). Of course I’ll still watch, because one of these TuesdAys the show will answer some questions and the girls will start to dress better again. #imAbeliever. You should also know The Hills is airing on MTV in the morning, and is just as good as you remember. Plus, Candidly Nicole is consistently hilarious, and Dating Naked and Married At First Sight are too good to miss. There’s just no reason for dating someone you’ve met off camera anymore.

In Kardashian news, the family has amazed me even more by making the Thailand vacation even more dramatic than the other ones (I thought Kim crying over the lost earring was the end of good family vacations, but boy was I wrong). If you missed it, Rob is still fat, Kim continues to hide baby North from the camera, the Jenner boys are trying to stay relevant, Bruce and Kris still hate each other and Khloé misses Lamar. Outside of their show, the Kisters took to twitter to hate on Adrienne Bailon because she said dating Rob ruined her career. I know Rob is the victim in this situation, but I feel bad for Adrienne because she thinks she has a career (no offense Ade, cheetahs forever!). The Kardashians also headed to Ibiza and partied with Justin Bieber. Speaking of The Biebs, don’t think I forgot about his fight with Orlando Bloom. Even though I used my entire family plan’s data, I found a way to follow this story from the campfire. The two were fighting over Bloom’s ex wife, Miranda Kerr, who Justin reportedly hooked up with. So basically, the VS angels are proving over and over again that they are dumber than we all thought by all taking turns with Bieber.

Last but not least, the new Sharknado premiered (Sharknado 2: The Second One) and it’s even better than the first. The celebrity cameos itself make the movie a must see, and Tara Reid’s Saw-Hand makes it a double must see. Bonus points because my cousin Brian met Ian Ziering at a screening party of the movie. In other words, I’m practically related to STEVE SANDERS (from Beverly Hills, 90210 duh). I wonder if Steve is still hung up on Kelly, or if him and Janet had even more kids. I know he’s still totally besties with Brandon and probably making a career doing ridiculously dumb TV movies (hehe).

Sarah Marie will now be back to her (do blogs have genders?!) regularly scheduled programing. Come back for more TVQOTW, BB recaps and half-ridiculous, half-totally-necessary posts.

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