As it turns out, being a rich toddler is very similar to taking your final exams in college.
The Naive Stage: As long as you read your books and study your notes you will be fine! This is not going to be as painful as last year. You’ve learned.
The Coffee Stage: The answer to all of my problems? Starbucks! Going to drink every last sip.
The Distracted Stage: Let me just check Instagram real quick. And Twitter. And Snapchat. And Facebook. And the Pinterest I forgot I had but get obsessed with every time there’s a big exam or paper due.
I should also try on all of my clothes, paint my nails, online shop for six hours, braid my hair and paint my nails again.
The I Can Be Successful Without A College Degree Stage: I should just drop out of school and get a job. Any job! I could work construction, retail, become a stripper… the possibilities are endless.
The Princess Stage: I never used to dream about being a nurse, teacher or PR specialist. I wanted to be a Disney Princess! What do I have to major in to make that happen?
Ditto goes for being a mermaid.
The I Hate My Classmates Stage: No, I do not want to share my brilliant study guide with you or send you pictures of the exam I passed and you failed. It’s survival of the fittest out here.
The Food Stage: Finals are a good excuse to eat 3,000+ calories, right?
I mean, calories don’t count when you’re stressed.
Ordering pizza or Chinese food at 2am will keep me motivated.
Every time I memorize a flashcard, I deserve a bite of ice cream. *Finishes a gallon without picking up a flashcard.*
The Sleep Stage: If I take a 5 minute power nap, I will be able to focus.
Roommate comes home: Power nap? I’m in.
Three hours later and you both feel refreshed. And too comfortable to move.
The Life’s Not Fair Stage: It should be illegal to make people memorize this much information.
Who needs math anyway! Or Spanish! Or history! Or science!
The Study Buddy Stage: If we study together, it will go faster and be less boring.
Or we will just talk about how we want to spend Friday night and how much we love each other.
The What Would North Do Stage: North West would beg her parents to forgive her for failing her finals. I hope my mom is as forgiving as Kim.
The Defeated Stage: I. Literally. Cannot. Do. This. Anymore.
I. Am. Over. It.
Finals: 1028972598, Me: 0
The Praying Stage: Dear
God Saint West, I promise to be the best version of myself, never lie and never talk about someone behind their back if you help me pass this exam. Amen.
The Wing It Stage: Here goes nothing. Everything happens for a reason, right?