The Only 2016 Grammy Awards Recap You Need To Read

Ah, the Grammys. When the biggest names in music get drunk and judge each other’s performances. It’s a true award season highlight (and a nice break to see the Biebs instead of the Clooney).

1. Taylor Swift’s look screams modern day American Girl doll.

2. LL Cool J is wearing a brooch that says “LL” because everyone forgets who he is every commercial break.

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3. “To Pimp a Butterfly” just won a Grammy and dads everywhere just texted their daughters to make sure they are not Kendrick Lamar fans.

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4. Sam Hunt and Carrie Underwood are basically Ken and Barbie.

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5. Chrissy Teigen is all of us once the first cocktail kicks in. (And looks better pregnant than we do on our skinniest day).

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6. Even Ariana Grande’s ponytail is sick of Ariana Grande’s ponytail.

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7. The Weeknd’s performance was great, but his hair is still so distracting. Does he wear it like this to be as tall as Bella Hadid? Does he have to buy a special shampoo? Is his hair so big because it’s full of secrets? #ImportantQs

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8. This is a petition for Ellie Goulding and Andra Day to start a girl band.

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9. Chris Stapleton is scared to be the subject of Bad Blood 2.0.

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10. Demi Lovato SLAYS. Selena just ditched the Grammys for voice lessons to win the inevitable Barney and Friends reboot.

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11. I would vote for Stevie Wonder for Prez over anyone else running.

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12. Lena Dunham’s boyfriend is classy AF. (Who am I kidding, I would do the same thing).

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Don’t judge, Selena.

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13. Thanks to the Grammys that is the only 5 minutes of Hamilton any of us will ever see. #SoldOut5ever

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14. I think the dude in Alabama Shakes stole his bandmate’s hair and started to wear it as a beard.

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15. Bruno Mars looks like a Disney villain.

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16. Who do we think messed with the sound to screw up Adele’s performance?

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A. The cast of Hamilton 

B. Taylor Swift

C. LL Cool J

D. All of the above 

17. Justin Bieber’s mustache is made out of your mom’s chest hair.

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18. The real winner tonight is Meghan Trainor’s hair.

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*Turns off Grammys until last 5 minutes to see Beyonce*

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19. Tori Kelly is totes team Katy Perry.

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Breaking news: T Swift cried because the attention was not all on her. (Or because she missed a note in her song… I believe my theory).

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