Where Are You, Theme Songs? (Sung to the Tune of Where Are You Christmas, My Own Personal Theme Song 364 Days a Year)

As a self-proclaimed TV addict, I can’t help but notice something is missing from most of the current shows on air. A good theme song is like a good pair of jeans: once you find the perfect fit, you use (or wear) it (or them) at least once a week for up to 10 years. A good theme song provides the backdrop for a show and reminds viewers of their favorite characters every time they hear it.

Gavin DeGraw sings One Tree Hill’s theme, “I Don’t Wanna Be,” and I know I’m not the only who sings like they’re the next Haley James Scott every time it plays. I’m also guilty of buying the Beverly Hills, 90210 theme on iTunes and it doesn’t even have any lyrics (but it does help me picture what my life would be like if Brenda, Brandon, Donna, Kelly and company were my friends every time it comes up on my shuffle). Phantom Planet’s “California” will forever remind us of The O.C. (bitch) and watching the cast of Dawson’s Creek goof around while “I Don’t Want to Wait” plays is something no one should miss out on. I still cringe every time Grey’s Anatomy starts because I know I could be listening to “Nobody knows where they might end up, Nooooooobody knowwwwws,” but no, Grey’s, like most shows, quit playing a theme to have more time for story-lines (like those matter). I propose we cut out the “previously on,” to make room for theme songs, because frankly, anyone who needs the “previously on” isn’t watching TV correctly anyway.

The few shows that still do have theme songs only help me prove my point. Pretty Little Liars wouldn’t be half as creepy if I didn’t hear “two can keep a secret if one of them was dead” before every episode. Plus, we all know half of the reason we all watch PLL every week is to complain about how Aria’s finger isn’t centered when she whispers “shhh.” Parenthood’s theme “Forever Young” helps remind us we will be crying for the next hour and New Girl’s “Who’s That Girl” is an excuse to hear Zooey Deschanel sing on a regular basis (especially when we can’t fit in a viewing of Elf that week).

If you disagree with me, just think, would Friends be Friends without “I’ll Be There For You?” And aren’t there a million Taylor Swift songs that would fit in perfectly before an episode of Girls? AND don’t you want a song to remind you of Scandal so you have more excuses to think about it ALL the time?


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